The worst blogger in the world...

Once upon a time I was good at blogging semi regularly. These days not so much. Blame it on the crazy schedule as a freelance artist, the changing seasons, the fact that for once I am intact and in great physically functioning state... whatever! 

Today is Luminarium's fifth birthday and I'm so proud of what Merli and I have done in the past few years- artistically, sustainably, there is an every day need  to keep forging ahead with momentum and vigor in this profession, so every now and then I can clear my head of the daily work and realize what we have actually accomplished. Here's to many more multiples of five years!

The biggest news besides Luminarium turning five today is that very soon I'm breaking ground on my Masters of Fine Arts degree (focusing on Interdisciplinary Arts) at Goddard College. I've wanted an MFA for a long time, not so much for status and letters but for the chance to submerse myself back in process and identity and how who I am is reflected in the art I make. It's been so easy to dismiss going back to school for the sake of time, money, schedule, but the low-residency format of this program allows me to maintain my life as a professional artist at home while also allowing myself to get back in the pool of learning. I'm so looking forward to continued learning, self improvement and an additional new community to join. It's easy to forget that everyone always has more to learn and the ability to grow. 

In choreography land there's lots happening: I showed a snippet of brand new rough work at the Luminarium Gala on Sunday (nerve-wracking but ultimately great), but that deserves its own post. 

Below is a mysterious sneak peek at a second new work I'm starting tonight. (Yes, I managed that tiny amount of sewing all by myself - I'm very handy in every other medium, just lousy with thread!)

I could do better...

... not NEARLY as juicy as I might've hoped, but interesting.  Link.

Here we go, new inspirations ;)

procrastinating writing with writing?

This has been a weird week, some parts great, some parts gloomy.  All parts freezing cold.  Very Luminarium focused.

It's grant writing season again, and this has made me think about the company a lot (partially cause it's inevitable when writing pages and pages about your work).  2012 was our second full-year, our first real year after the first year.  It by far had our highest highs, our lowest lows, but SO much success.  I've learned about my process, learned about myself as a teacher, and learned even more about running a company.  Maybe most importantly I've been enjoying growing a community of dancers (and collaborators) I love and value for different reasons, and that can work with how I work.  I can realize now that I don't have to settle in who I work with (performers and otherwise), and that it's a disservice to me and my work if I settle.

Integrity.  I spoke on this in the text/conText lecture we did a few weeks back.  In that specific setting I was discussing it solely in reference to creating work.  Unless it's a commission, or you just really owe someone a favor, I feel like work should only be created when there is a reason to create.  I really dislike projects that serve to be purely self-gratifying, abstract for the sole sake of being weird, and also those that are tepid and half-hearted.  I try very hard, if it isn't the root of my motivation already, to find a seed of something human in everything I make.  I like to adopt the stories I explore, connect choreographic story lines with bits and pieces of my life experience, and hope what I make relates equally to whoever views it, in whatever way they find.  I love criticism and discussion about my work, as long as the criticism is rooted in integrity... Constructive comments, if honest, are great because they mean people are watching and taking some interest.

Trust. My process is... well, my process.  It's sometimes very roundabout, sometimes very tough to participate in as a performer.  I know this, but I also know it doesn't work if the people I am working with have no trust in my work.  A lot of my stuff comes together at the last minute, with a lighting idea, with a sound atmosphere, with some other magic... Anyways, I care about the pieces I make and wouldn't put my dancers onstage looking stupid or subpar and it doesn't work if the dancers I am intimately involved with don't believe it.

Future.  Really, if Luminarium keeps going with equal upwards momentum I'll be pleased.  I meaaaaaan, I had my picture on a full page of the Globe this year. Shazaam (yes, being an ass for the sake of being an ass here). Next year (2013) will bring about necessary changes based on what we've learned.  We want bigger shows, more epic venues, more name recognition, and more collaboration.  We want to pay our dancers more to further sustain performing arts in this community (and because they are awesome), and eventually to make a paying career out of what we do.  Through all of this my ultimate goal is to not lose focus or personal integrity, and only make decisions for reasons I value.

Not too hard, right?

For now... back to writing small grants to sustain year 3!  I already want to brag about this season so so so much, but no spoilers yet :(

the parts i love about performance...

Mythos:Pathos went up last weekend... one sold out show, one over-sold show, one mostly filled show.

Let downs:  Severly injured dancer days before the show, only being able to watch from the wings.  The first of these things is unavoidable, worsened when your understudy is already filling in, but not worth extra stress animosity.  Make it work, fix it, or pull the piece.  While I made it work by simple revisions (yes, after building a giant metal urn to also put in silhouette when I thought the dancer could actually just be still in space for the 10 mins), I didn't end up loving the piece this time around, which was a bummer.  Between the last show and this one I had really wanted to revise and improve, tweak lighting and add cohesive ideas, but losing two dancers meant just reteaching and running the piece in the two hours of rehearsal I had between shows.  Oh well, there's time left.

Awesome stuff: Hubris through Icarus through Prometheus. I am really really pleased with the way this chunk has been starting to gel.  There are a few images that are perfect overlays with those that have been stored in my head for months, and some moments where I just find myself watching in the dark with goosebumps.  I could go on and on and on... but I won't.

Anyways, the last paragraph helps illustrate what I love about performance.  I hate performing, most of the time, myself.  Watching dancers that I know as normal people become/embody/give their own life to the characters and such onstage in a piece I have created is so damn rewarding, though.

I'm not in the mood to go on and on... another time!

Famous?

So, my Q&A with the Globe was circulating on the internet this morning... and I decided to go out and get a paper copy.  Flipped to the Arts Section, it obviously wasn't in the first page or two, but then I noticed this GINORMOUS photo of myself on the last forward-facing page, with a full-page article.  I had to close it almost immediately, like groundhog-seeing-shadow reaction.  But, then I opened it again, and read it wide-eyed.

Article here...

Obviously none of this was a surprise, I obviously sat with the reporter and spoke those words, but it is always funny to see yourself in print.

Every weekday of my years in college, I'd carve out 20 minutes to run to the Campus Center for lunch, crossing my fingers that there would still be a free copy of the NYT and the Globe.  I'd discard the bulk of the paper, yank the Arts section, and try to devour as much as I could before sprinting back to class.  Theatre reviews, lack of dance articles, full page ads for new stuff on Broadway... I read it all.  I was so familiar with this routine, the Arts sections of each paper, and there was always a familiar anonymity-- as I could spout off on Broadway-s who's-who, ground-breaking new performance art... obviously there was a great divide between these people, and me!

But today, there I was... running my mouth about ChoreoFest, and this Luminarium Dance that I love so much.  The interview isn't really about me, at all, but the words were just so familiar (duh, I said them..) and the way she punctuated and included a laugh or awkward wording was just me-- the text version!

It's an almost full-circle moment.  My freshman year at MHC I loaded up on both dance courses, and journalism/anthro (also bio/chem, but that's another story for another day).  My Women's Public Voices class was immensely enjoyable, slightly discouraging (journalists need to be concise?!), and eye-opening.  I remember touring through Time Magazine in New York City with Priscilla Painton (MHC alum- then deputy managing editor, now editor in chief at Simon & Schuster) wandering the halls of the high-rise building and wondering if journalism was something I could do- little bit different than being the copy editor of the high school paper... How much dance would I have to compromise, how would I get to report on what I wanted to... so many questions.  I never considered trying to be on the other side of the situation- the subject!  Still, there are days where I'd love to be able to balance what I do with reviewing local art, but I'd never want to take time away from/compromise all that I've worked for.

This is always what I've wanted to do, recognized for it or not... I've always wanted to be a creator. Always!  I am SO lucky to have reached my 'end-goal' so early in life, and now look how much time I have to better what I do, to learn, to grow, to expand with a partner that is equally inspired and motivated.  To be recognized for this, though, and to be gaining press and steam like we have been this entire summer?  Amazing.

Exploring Icarus and Learning How to Fly...

ORIGINALLY published on Luminarium's blog, here!

One of many pieces of Icarus art...

When I was younger (I would say much younger, but it would be a lie) I used to search for walls, tree stumps, large rocks… anything I could test myself on by jumping off of.   I loved everything about my strange habit, the nervousness leading up to leaping off an eight-foot retaining wall at my grandmother’s condo complex, the excitement of doing something any reasonable adult would probably not approve, and that crystal clear moment of free-fall before scrambling to land.  Now that I am an adult, and one without a great deal of free time/living in an urban neighborhood (parkour, anyone?), I’ve been remarkably grounded.  I’ve come to terms with this, there are plenty of other ways to get an adrenaline fix, but I think it is a valid link to my interest in the myth of Icarus, and translating that story into a new work for Mythos:Pathos.

Icarus, to seriously summarize, was the son of Daedalus, a craftsman.  Trapped on the island of Crete by King Minos, Daedalus constructed wings of wax and feathers so the two could fly to freedom.  Despite his father’s warnings to follow him and not fly too close to the sun, Icarus breaks from the plan, inevitably flies too close to the sun, and falls to the sea.  Most retellings and discussions of this tale attribute Icarus’ fall to over-ambition or hubris, but I don’t think I agree, at least not with the connotation behind ‘hubris’, or being overly ambitious!  As a storyteller it is my responsibility to represent the myth accurately, but in relating to this character I am opting to present the story (especially causes of Icarus’ extended flight) from my own perspective.  I am very lucky to approach this work as a choreographer, since the tale is indeed movement-based, but more on my movement research in a bit.

Adrenaline Amnesia.  I’m sure this isn’t an original phrase, so I won’t take credit for it, however, it is catchy and concisely sums up my thoughts on and personal connections to Icarus.  It is something, I would hope, most everyone has experienced at one point or another, and often as the result of unheeded advice.  A physical action or not, one does something contrary to advice or a mandate from an authority-figure, experiences the rush, and is much more apt to continue the action and have the advice vanish from the mind.  The obvious examples; sneaking out of high school to do [non-academic activity of choice about town] against parent/teacher rules, a taboo relationship, or physical examples; driving too fast, swimming too deep in the ocean, jumping off high objects (!), various other semi-risky and addictive activities.   It is possible that flight just feels so wonderful and freeing that Icarus keeps flying and flying, not to prove that he can, but because that authoritarian warning has simply dissolved from his mind in the euphoria of the moment?  My dislike of authority decrees is simply a coincidence here, since while I approve of the disregard, it wouldn’t be a conscious choice in this situation, now would it?

I was fortunate enough to get to experiment with both adrenaline amnesia and the physical feel of flying in an indoor skydiving session at SkyVenture NH.  Mark (Icarus performer/fellow adrenaline connoisseur) and I suited up, complete with kneepads, goggles, earplugs and of course a one-piece flight suit and made our way to the flight chamber.  My personal goals were to see if, in fact, I would fall into the 100 mph winds and experience some sort of thought-erasing euphoria, and also to experience how a body suspended in the air actually feels as movement research.  The results varied.  I was very interested to discover how whole-body the physical flying experience was.  As movers, I can say we approached learning how to fly from a different perspective and understanding than the others in our group.  Every slight shift in working muscle groups had the potential to shoot you high into the air, or bring you plummeting down to the metal grid below.  If it was allowed, I could have easily spent an hour playing with the varying effects of slight body movements in the vertical space, I could probably write an entirely separate blog post on this topic. 

Mentally, while there was no magically activated euphoria, there was a huge sense of calm.  As an individual with a mind that’s typically thinking about 5+ different things at once, and also probably 3 irrelevant distracting things in addition to that (attention defi-what?) I found this strange peaceful nothingness that was really quite lovely.  Perhaps it was caused by serious wind rushing past my ears, but also it was the first occurrence in an indefinite amount of time that I was completely separate from the rest of the world.  No verbal communication was possible in the wind tunnel, no iPhones or electronics to use, the wind blocked my ears… I wasn’t even connected to the ground.  For 6 minutes, I was a completely independent-free-floating body suspended in air, and while I didn’t have that stomach-twisting, blood-pumping, heart-racing thrill, I found a sort of break from the world.

Phew!  Does this prove anything I set out to investigate?  Not fully.  However, I’m satisfied with my own Icarus story, as we approach performance, and I am completely content to think about this myth for months to come.  I hope my artistic liberty with Icarus serves to let viewers feel free enough to question the myth, my retelling, and of course to enjoy the piece as a whole.

Where'd everyone go??

So here I am... three days into my two week break between jobs.

Life is so strangely empty, but in an ok way.  There are no crazy little kids running around causing chaos, no awful commuting through the city.  It's just me, the dog and the house.

I am excited to have the time to actually get stuff done.  There are doors to paint, trim to prime and paint, and my mountain range of clothes on the third floor to finally finally organize.  I cleaned out 5 moving boxes yesterday!  Finally!  Also, Operation Shoe-Racki Freedom has been completed.  So. Many. Shoes.  So glad to have them all back though, I've been wearing the same pairs over and over again.

More importantly (before this blog gets super boring) our Luminarium Sponsor Benefit Gala is this Sunday!!!!

We are so excited to celebrate our one-year anniversary and get to reflect on the amazing strides we've taken in the past year.  It's crazy to look back on, a blog post about that will I'm sure follow in the next couple of days.

If the weather holds out we are going to work with the amazing photographer Jordan Matter this afternoon.    We are going to participate in Dancers Among Us, a national photo project showcasing the likes of Mark Morris dancers, ABT dancers, American Rep Ballet dancers, So You Think You Can Dance dancers... amazing beautiful professional dancers... and us!!!  This excites me to no end.  We have been such a legitimate entity as a dance company recently... I'm just very proud and also so tickled inside!

Anyways, yes.  Fighting off boredom one paint job at a time.