Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I didn't make some of the life choices I've already made. Where would I be, who would I be, what would I be, and would I be happier or basically the same or kicking myself for not doing something? Sometimes I do kick myself for not doing/saying something or jumping on something anyways, so who the hell knows.
No one winks enough these days... Maybe it's a lost skill.
I think tomorrow I might run away to be a Lost Boy. 25 is ok so far, but it's also basically thirty, though I know lots of timeless 28 year olds which leads me to think time goes by slower in your upper twenties. Wishful thinking? I did have a fairly mature weekend... I cut back on my caffeine consumption, I planned to wear bike shorts under a very short dress (planned is the key word, I brought them in my bag and never put them on...), I ran the dishwasher and unloaded it multiple times like a boss, I'm sure there were more examples. Unfortunately, these adult-ly things were negated by other actions in the past week. I went braless on multiple occasions, sometimes for an entire day and/or to work or out in public. One day I simply forgot to wear deodorant (let me tell you it's a REALLY good thing I'm not a stinky person). I made copious amounts of innuendos, often forgot to wear sunscreen, flooded the bathtub, and had several solo dance parties (this is actually something everyone should do all the time, often in ridiculous clothing or underwear or a costume). Today I had green vegetable juice for breakfast, and a kombucha and a peppermint patty for lunch.. healthy things plus candy. Hmm.
It's nice to be flawed. It's also nice to make mistakes. I know a handful of people who play very much by the rules, to the extent of not even daring to imagine living outside the lines. Great, if you are happy, not great if you are muted/mediocre/grey.
It would be nice to have one endless night, or a time-sink hole, where I could travel wherever I wanted and have a marvelous/ridiculous time doing whatever I pleased, being silly/crazy/laughing lots... but completely free of day to day life and it's demands. Almost like when you go to a packed bar with your friends and it's dark and loud and full of distractions, and then you lose your friends. Since you know you'll find them at some point later, you just kind of freely wander around. You can interact with other people and draw attention to yourself or just slip about unnoticed. It's a nice balance of invisibility cloak vs making one-night-temporary best friends/fending off attention from undesirable individuals. At the end of the night you stumble upon your friends, no harm done, and you can tell them of your adventures or simply not share at all.
This is tough since I feel like everyone is growing up and completely fine with it, and while I like all that I'm accomplishing I don't want to lose the freedom you get in your early/mid twenties as well. No one seems to want to/have time for adventures and hijinks and pointless things you do just for the hell of it.
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Coda:
How the heck is it basically 1am? I promised myself I'd go to bed nice and early at midnight (25=responsibility!) since my bed time averaged 2:30 last week. I remember staying up crazy late each night in college thinking 'wow, after I graduate I won't be able to do this anymore'... but, surprise. Guess that's not true.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
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