non-verbose.

So often I keep my thoughts in my head.  Usually it's a strategy move, I wait and watch and observe until I get a handle on the situation and then swoop in to make it work for me. I learn a lot from watching, more people should shut up and tune in. Other times, though, it's not intentional and I hate feeling like I can't get the right words out of my mouth at the right time.

Dear brain:

Glad you're inspired, but I need to wake up at 6 am. I'm going to request that you stop spitting out funny images and phrase ideas for new pieces. That's why we are laying here, in the dark, sometimes with our eyes closed (present moment excluded). It's really frustrating to take choreographic notes on an iPhone, since the bedside notebook has been temporarily relocated, and I'll be really frustrated tomorrow when I can't remember exactly what it was that you spat out and I loved so much. Also, brain, your sense of choreographic reality can sometimes be pretty warped when we are in horizontal mode, so this could all be a waste of time. I appreciate all you do in your efforts to maximize our creative flow, but really, its ok to give me a night off.

Thanks for considering,

Kim

I wrote this when I was 25, I swear...

I've been thinking about animals a lot this week.  Partly because when you co-habitate with someone, you apparently have to compromise on pet intake.  Suckage.

At one point in my childhood we had 2 dogs, 2 rabbits (that had lots of babies), 2 hamsters (that also had lots of babies), 2 guinea pigs (that had just a couple of babies), hermit crabs, anoles, a parakeet (dumb pet), 2 turtles, and a 50 gallon aquarium.  It was awesome.  At one point I also had a squirrel, it died pretty soon after I rescued it from a cat, and we had a couple of very sociable rats later on.  We also babysat my gramma's 160 pound Newfoundland.  

I don't mean for this to sound at all negative towards Twyla.  Seriously, I have the best dog in the world (in my eyes anyways).  Who would have guessed 15lbs of sassy longhaired Dachshund could be so fabulous? This is, however, a minor complaint at adulthood.  Two problems, one being I can't beg and plead with the adult of the house to get a new pet and win because I am the adult of the house, and my vote is canceled out by the other adult of the house.  This vote is also canceled by aforementioned dog that likes to be the spoiled only child.  The other problem is being an adult means any non-portable pet needs serious consideration when embarking on a trip or working long hours which I do at my various jobs. 

In any case, here is a fantasy list of pets I want:

-Octopus - No justification needed. Have you seen Octopussy (the Bond movie, pervs)? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/2251544.stm

-Gordon Setter - A big version of Twyla!!  Matching dogs!

-House rabbit - Used to have a bunny named Domino until we got Twy.  It was litter box trained, had free access to hop about the house, amazing.  

-Iguana - A green sassy scale-y pal.  Have a tendency to whip their tails, and you can walk one on a leash.

iliopsoas

I'm in the funny place of my hip feeling semi-ok, it has been on the up and up for awhile!  Good PT, various helpful forms of needles, taking care of myself has done wonders.

Strangely I find myself still cautious of movement, only because it has been the way I've lived for the last like 6 years!  My body is babying my hip by default, and I need to figure out how to responsibly let myself test the waters.

Even more strange is feeling normal, temporary hip pain.  I got great new sneaks and since I am feeling ok I'm slowly slowly starting to run again.  Most of the night running adventure felt the same as it always has.... nice brain freedom and focus on breathing lets me find a rare moment of zone-out.  Since it was also super cold out recently and my warm up wasn't as good as it could have been, my hip flexors were both uniformly a bit sore the next day.  For two seconds I freaked out (hip pain! my nemesis!), before realizing it was obviously temporary and somewhat normal.

So mindset shift.  Whatever.

Here's hoping Battle: Osteoarthritis/Snapping Hip/no cartilage + labral tear is at least held at bay for a good long time to come.

Fall.

I'm in denial, I think, about fall.

I've been badmouthing it right and left, where honestly I don't harbor that many bad feeling towards fall, I'm just not ready to have summer fade out.  Weirdly, summer felt long.  I was outside months ago, reading in the sun, beautifying the back yard (poor front yard, still neglected), playing with the dog, enjoying hot sun on my face.  I think my gipped feeling comes from having a busy show schedule at the end of summer.  I got literally two beach days, one where I didn't get to swim or surf or really do much water interaction, and the other was nice but cloudy.  Now it's cold, it's time to switch up the clothing options, cover up the skin, get pale.  I'm not usually this superficial, feeling shafted brings out the worst.

Another cause of this fall animosity is having spent four years in Western MA.  Boston fall is lovely and crisp and smells delightful, but Five College area/Amherst/So Hadley fall blows it so far out of the water.  I mean, combine the private liberal arts college town vibe (times 4) with New England fall.  Damn.  It's hard to tell where cardigans end and cider doughnuts begin.

Anyways, this revelation has made me determined to cram getting my fall fix into performing at the Mass Dance Festival in 2 weekends.  It will be a bit too early for apple picking and fall-air breathing, maybe, but I am determined to soak myself in fall and change this attitude up!

Weird= The things we know and feel but will never ever say aloud. Why does this happen? Afraid to expose oneself, scared to lose someone, embarrassed? Not excluding myself, I feel like everyone has multiple examples of this somewhere inside.

the parts i love about performance...

Mythos:Pathos went up last weekend... one sold out show, one over-sold show, one mostly filled show.

Let downs:  Severly injured dancer days before the show, only being able to watch from the wings.  The first of these things is unavoidable, worsened when your understudy is already filling in, but not worth extra stress animosity.  Make it work, fix it, or pull the piece.  While I made it work by simple revisions (yes, after building a giant metal urn to also put in silhouette when I thought the dancer could actually just be still in space for the 10 mins), I didn't end up loving the piece this time around, which was a bummer.  Between the last show and this one I had really wanted to revise and improve, tweak lighting and add cohesive ideas, but losing two dancers meant just reteaching and running the piece in the two hours of rehearsal I had between shows.  Oh well, there's time left.

Awesome stuff: Hubris through Icarus through Prometheus. I am really really pleased with the way this chunk has been starting to gel.  There are a few images that are perfect overlays with those that have been stored in my head for months, and some moments where I just find myself watching in the dark with goosebumps.  I could go on and on and on... but I won't.

Anyways, the last paragraph helps illustrate what I love about performance.  I hate performing, most of the time, myself.  Watching dancers that I know as normal people become/embody/give their own life to the characters and such onstage in a piece I have created is so damn rewarding, though.

I'm not in the mood to go on and on... another time!

Gross.