procrastinating writing with writing?

This has been a weird week, some parts great, some parts gloomy.  All parts freezing cold.  Very Luminarium focused.

It's grant writing season again, and this has made me think about the company a lot (partially cause it's inevitable when writing pages and pages about your work).  2012 was our second full-year, our first real year after the first year.  It by far had our highest highs, our lowest lows, but SO much success.  I've learned about my process, learned about myself as a teacher, and learned even more about running a company.  Maybe most importantly I've been enjoying growing a community of dancers (and collaborators) I love and value for different reasons, and that can work with how I work.  I can realize now that I don't have to settle in who I work with (performers and otherwise), and that it's a disservice to me and my work if I settle.

Integrity.  I spoke on this in the text/conText lecture we did a few weeks back.  In that specific setting I was discussing it solely in reference to creating work.  Unless it's a commission, or you just really owe someone a favor, I feel like work should only be created when there is a reason to create.  I really dislike projects that serve to be purely self-gratifying, abstract for the sole sake of being weird, and also those that are tepid and half-hearted.  I try very hard, if it isn't the root of my motivation already, to find a seed of something human in everything I make.  I like to adopt the stories I explore, connect choreographic story lines with bits and pieces of my life experience, and hope what I make relates equally to whoever views it, in whatever way they find.  I love criticism and discussion about my work, as long as the criticism is rooted in integrity... Constructive comments, if honest, are great because they mean people are watching and taking some interest.

Trust. My process is... well, my process.  It's sometimes very roundabout, sometimes very tough to participate in as a performer.  I know this, but I also know it doesn't work if the people I am working with have no trust in my work.  A lot of my stuff comes together at the last minute, with a lighting idea, with a sound atmosphere, with some other magic... Anyways, I care about the pieces I make and wouldn't put my dancers onstage looking stupid or subpar and it doesn't work if the dancers I am intimately involved with don't believe it.

Future.  Really, if Luminarium keeps going with equal upwards momentum I'll be pleased.  I meaaaaaan, I had my picture on a full page of the Globe this year. Shazaam (yes, being an ass for the sake of being an ass here). Next year (2013) will bring about necessary changes based on what we've learned.  We want bigger shows, more epic venues, more name recognition, and more collaboration.  We want to pay our dancers more to further sustain performing arts in this community (and because they are awesome), and eventually to make a paying career out of what we do.  Through all of this my ultimate goal is to not lose focus or personal integrity, and only make decisions for reasons I value.

Not too hard, right?

For now... back to writing small grants to sustain year 3!  I already want to brag about this season so so so much, but no spoilers yet :(