beachy

There are always warm spring nights where I want nothing more to jump in my car, drive an hour up 93 to the NH coast, and sit up high on the seawall to check out the full moon.

Excuse the lousy/stolen pic.  Picture darkness and a big fat moon lighting everything up, and just sea and rock for miles and miles.  While there is a lot more freedom being an adult leading my own life, why is it so hard to get away?

late night rambling pt 2

On a different theme, I am sitting in the dark in my office looking out my window, solidly 85% satisfied with my overall life state.  Perhaps that missing percent is attributed to a sore hip and not being able to fall asleep, combined with some unsettling creaks in a dark house and construction dust.  It is nice to glance to my left, however, and take in an unusually quiet Boston night.  The sky is purple with no stars, but more like a nice blanket instead of a hazy foggy star-smothering mask.  Everyone's house lights are out, and I can see straight through the lots and backyards of the three blocks to the North.  If we were at the top of our street, I would have a perfect view of the nearby downtown skyline, but its okay because I can visualize it.

Nights like these and being home (NH) for the past two weekends make me remember all of the dark drives I've been fortunate to partake in.  Cold crisp New Hampshire nights, dotted with stars...  sitting in the car somewhere street lights wouldn't illuminate waiting out those last few minutes before it was required to return home.  When it began getting warm in Western MA during college I always looked forward to sleepless nights because it was the perfect excuse for hopping into the Geo Tracker at 2am and getting completely lost on farm roads, back roads, swampy roads... always with the windows down for the benefit of sounds and smells.  I don't get a lot of time like that anymore, mostly because I have so little time for myself.  Or, when I do but am in the mood for company, no one wants to go adventure.  Or (part 3) because I live in the city, and there is a significant lack of ways to get lost (safely!).  I've found it fun to traipse through Brookline and surrounding towns... hills,  reservoirs, sneaky secret paths and the like, all pretty close to home.  Unfortunately I feel the need for something brand new in my life, a new adventure to add on/explore.  Things have been fairly stagnant for awhile in the realm of adventure, thrill and surprise... maybe that's where that 15% went.

late night rambling pt 1

What do you consider your life's biggest mistake?  Is it reversible and/or does it really need to be reversed? On what scale can we rate negative things that we've caused to ourselves, since it is a bit tricky to escape bias for our self-impression...

Is there anyone out there who hasn't ever made a mistake, a bad judgement call, something they wish they could take back?  What a boring life you must lead, whoever you are!

I think those invisible scars, the things we think back upon and regret (with a hint of nostalgia?) are the best hints at who we really are, how well you know whoever is inside your body.  Perhaps I say this as someone who has never murdered someone or an equivalent ultimate action, but I take comfort in my messups and wear them around my shoulders like a nice (faux) fur coat.  Recognizing them makes me own me/know me, even if I happen to commit those same mistakes again.


[This isn't meant to be such a dreadful/depressing little blip on your blog radar, just celebrating imperfection... a wonderful thing!]