Life goes on but I'm about to miss the bus...

The only good thing is that the silhouette of the neighbor's cat in their kitchen window is exactly the same, untouched and unaffected. She holds very still and her ears twitch towards things invisible in the dark.

A bit of a preface, disclaimer...
I obviously am horrified that someone would do disgusting violent acts to our city.  I do think that whoever was responsible for the acts needs to be held accountable.  I drove through the city last night, I felt robbed of my personal safety, I've felt tense all week and I was confined to my house all day.  I get how bad of a situation this was.

What I hate is that there are NO positive outcomes to this situation.  Not a single one.  Plenty of innocent people lost their lives, limbs or life as they formerly knew it.  Many more people lost their peace of mind and faith in each other.  At the same time, I can't help looking at this smooth-faced curly-haired guy thats seven years my junior, and feel so sad for him.  Maybe he was of sound mind and so much hatred for Boston that he really wanted to do this.  Just for a minute, though, suppose this was not his idea?  Maybe his brother masterminded it, or he was forced into it from a larger organization that wanted to harm Boston, and he was a pawn. Now, he is the only one left to take the blame.  This guy that crawled into a boat to hide and bleed to death is wished dead and held in such powerful contempt by so many strangers.  To be completely honest, I hope he opens his mouth in a public forum or in court and spews sincere cold hatred for Boston, perhaps that is the only time we will know for certain our community hatred for him is accurately placed.

Then I think about the adorable little boy that got killed, the 20-something girl, the student from China, the young policeman last night...

(I'm not so much doubting he did it, more wondering about the circumstances?)

There is NOTHING that is 'right' here.  Especially not the 'we got him's and death wishes for this man on Facebook.  Now is the time to be glad our community is safe, and grateful to those that keep us secure, but it is also the time to be quiet, humbled and reflective.  Bloodthirst makes me queasy.

My mom said long ago I could never be a good lawyer because I could never stop seeing the position of both sides at once.  I feel this is still the case.

The biggest problem for me right now is preparing to present new art tomorrow.  I am showing my contributions for the Threading Motion project at the quilt museum tomorrow, and I am feeling so gross about it.  Art is, if anything, a statement every time it happens.  What I am showing tomorrow is done, but it's so soon after so much mental turmoil, it's not AT ALL what I want to open my choreographic mouth to say!  I'd rather keep it shut, I need to process and get past all of these jumbled ridiculous thoughts and happenings, before I make a statement with my work that is misinterpreted (or fluff).  The show must also go on.  Where does my scale balance?

Again, please don't misinterpret my musings, these bombings were WRONG and someone does need to answer for and explain the violence and destruction.