Here it is, the start of a fresh new year, the time for resolve and bright eyed determination. While I am not one for making the New Years Resolution (our society has way too many random ambitions and resulting guilt trips) I just finished this book (Piece of Cake -a true story) about a woman that had everything going against her from a young age but was able to make some crazy life changes, creating and loving the person within her body she didn't know was there. It really hit a nerve with me because so many of the demons I battle are self-constructed by mental blocks and an ingrown way of doing things that I never consciously chose. There are things I look back upon, when reviewing the day, and find inexcusable; usually something so stupid and simple that I get mad at myself but still don't jump up and fix it.
Where is this going... I suppose I want to see what my mind and body are capable of doing, creating and falling in love with the person I know I can be/want to be. There are several things I am proud of that occurred in 2010, while some are pretty trivial and this is an incomplete list, I want to touch on them and chronicle them for my own mind.
- a full year with a successful dance company/new family!
-no fast food (coffee obviously excluded) at any point during the year!
-in the late summer I dropped soda for good (diet coke, really, and it was HARD!) and then artificial sweeteners (for the most part...)
-made the decision to leave a job I felt unhappy at
-got a couple of new jobs I (usually) enjoy
-got the balls to chat with a psychiatrist about medicating my ADHD
-produced many shows semi-efficiently, thrived on the stress
-Took a bunch of beautiful photos here and there, most always for good money!
-made great progress on the house
There are more things, but I feel no need to continue the list. My goals for the immediate for further away future, I've realized, are fairly health-centric. Whether healing, learning, treating or working, especially as a performing artist, my body is all I've got! I think the self-related goals will help clear up my internal head static as well, and perhaps I'll be able to find that natural focus eventually.
Goals for the future are under development. We will see...
Monday, January 16, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
late night rambling pt 2
On a different theme, I am sitting in the dark in my office looking out my window, solidly 85% satisfied with my overall life state. Perhaps that missing percent is attributed to a sore hip and not being able to fall asleep, combined with some unsettling creaks in a dark house and construction dust. It is nice to glance to my left, however, and take in an unusually quiet Boston night. The sky is purple with no stars, but more like a nice blanket instead of a hazy foggy star-smothering mask. Everyone's house lights are out, and I can see straight through the lots and backyards of the three blocks to the North. If we were at the top of our street, I would have a perfect view of the nearby downtown skyline, but its okay because I can visualize it.
Nights like these and being home (NH) for the past two weekends make me remember all of the dark drives I've been fortunate to partake in. Cold crisp New Hampshire nights, dotted with stars... sitting in the car somewhere street lights wouldn't illuminate waiting out those last few minutes before it was required to return home. When it began getting warm in Western MA during college I always looked forward to sleepless nights because it was the perfect excuse for hopping into the Geo Tracker at 2am and getting completely lost on farm roads, back roads, swampy roads... always with the windows down for the benefit of sounds and smells. I don't get a lot of time like that anymore, mostly because I have so little time for myself. Or, when I do but am in the mood for company, no one wants to go adventure. Or (part 3) because I live in the city, and there is a significant lack of ways to get lost (safely!). I've found it fun to traipse through Brookline and surrounding towns... hills, reservoirs, sneaky secret paths and the like, all pretty close to home. Unfortunately I feel the need for something brand new in my life, a new adventure to add on/explore. Things have been fairly stagnant for awhile in the realm of adventure, thrill and surprise... maybe that's where that 15% went.
Nights like these and being home (NH) for the past two weekends make me remember all of the dark drives I've been fortunate to partake in. Cold crisp New Hampshire nights, dotted with stars... sitting in the car somewhere street lights wouldn't illuminate waiting out those last few minutes before it was required to return home. When it began getting warm in Western MA during college I always looked forward to sleepless nights because it was the perfect excuse for hopping into the Geo Tracker at 2am and getting completely lost on farm roads, back roads, swampy roads... always with the windows down for the benefit of sounds and smells. I don't get a lot of time like that anymore, mostly because I have so little time for myself. Or, when I do but am in the mood for company, no one wants to go adventure. Or (part 3) because I live in the city, and there is a significant lack of ways to get lost (safely!). I've found it fun to traipse through Brookline and surrounding towns... hills, reservoirs, sneaky secret paths and the like, all pretty close to home. Unfortunately I feel the need for something brand new in my life, a new adventure to add on/explore. Things have been fairly stagnant for awhile in the realm of adventure, thrill and surprise... maybe that's where that 15% went.
late night rambling pt 1
What do you consider your life's biggest mistake? Is it reversible and/or does it really need to be reversed? On what scale can we rate negative things that we've caused to ourselves, since it is a bit tricky to escape bias for our self-impression...
Is there anyone out there who hasn't ever made a mistake, a bad judgement call, something they wish they could take back? What a boring life you must lead, whoever you are!
I think those invisible scars, the things we think back upon and regret (with a hint of nostalgia?) are the best hints at who we really are, how well you know whoever is inside your body. Perhaps I say this as someone who has never murdered someone or an equivalent ultimate action, but I take comfort in my messups and wear them around my shoulders like a nice (faux) fur coat. Recognizing them makes me own me/know me, even if I happen to commit those same mistakes again.
[This isn't meant to be such a dreadful/depressing little blip on your blog radar, just celebrating imperfection... a wonderful thing!]
Is there anyone out there who hasn't ever made a mistake, a bad judgement call, something they wish they could take back? What a boring life you must lead, whoever you are!
I think those invisible scars, the things we think back upon and regret (with a hint of nostalgia?) are the best hints at who we really are, how well you know whoever is inside your body. Perhaps I say this as someone who has never murdered someone or an equivalent ultimate action, but I take comfort in my messups and wear them around my shoulders like a nice (faux) fur coat. Recognizing them makes me own me/know me, even if I happen to commit those same mistakes again.
[This isn't meant to be such a dreadful/depressing little blip on your blog radar, just celebrating imperfection... a wonderful thing!]
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Kim's Pick-Me-Up Video Playlist. Volume 2.
Come come... on the kick drum
This clip cracks me up. I didn't especially love the movie (The Breakup - Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, what you would expect...) but this is guaranteed to get a giggle out of me, if not full blown laughter. I would love to be friends with John Michael Higgins...
Gilly!
This link should be called anything Kristen-Wiig, for that matter. I can't decide whether I like this just because its humorous, or because I smiled like Gilly for many of my elementary school years. Unfortunate, but funny.
Blazing Saddles...
This selection beat out both the 'shit load of dimes' and also the fart scene among any other worthy choices from this film. I'm worried what this blog entry says about my sense of humor... don't judge.
Not a video link, but...
This happens to be my favorite (perhaps) Mark Morris piece. A section of Dogtown set to Yoko Ono's 'No, no, no'. You won't get it until you see it, but for some reason I can't help but think its genius. Could it be the Jim Coleman version my college choreography class was treated to?
This clip cracks me up. I didn't especially love the movie (The Breakup - Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, what you would expect...) but this is guaranteed to get a giggle out of me, if not full blown laughter. I would love to be friends with John Michael Higgins...
Gilly!
This link should be called anything Kristen-Wiig, for that matter. I can't decide whether I like this just because its humorous, or because I smiled like Gilly for many of my elementary school years. Unfortunate, but funny.
Blazing Saddles...
This selection beat out both the 'shit load of dimes' and also the fart scene among any other worthy choices from this film. I'm worried what this blog entry says about my sense of humor... don't judge.
Not a video link, but...
This happens to be my favorite (perhaps) Mark Morris piece. A section of Dogtown set to Yoko Ono's 'No, no, no'. You won't get it until you see it, but for some reason I can't help but think its genius. Could it be the Jim Coleman version my college choreography class was treated to?
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
workworkwork
Being a creator is damn tough.
Being an overacheiving artist that cannot seem to say no to anything because who knows what it can turn into is even tougher.
The minute I get inspired or start building visions in my head it's all over and I get sucked in!
I love it and it's wonderfully stressful and all consuming and then I say I'm never going to do it again, and then BAM what do you know guess what I'm doing again.
In the process I'm in love with the project though, and it's hard to make sure I don't abandon my home/life/family in the midst.
This doesn't really apply to Luminarium stuff, I'm pretty much always in love with Lumiarium work and feel justified and productive and happy and never regretful. That feels good, at least!
Being an overacheiving artist that cannot seem to say no to anything because who knows what it can turn into is even tougher.
The minute I get inspired or start building visions in my head it's all over and I get sucked in!
I love it and it's wonderfully stressful and all consuming and then I say I'm never going to do it again, and then BAM what do you know guess what I'm doing again.
In the process I'm in love with the project though, and it's hard to make sure I don't abandon my home/life/family in the midst.
This doesn't really apply to Luminarium stuff, I'm pretty much always in love with Lumiarium work and feel justified and productive and happy and never regretful. That feels good, at least!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
dance opinion- trisha brown at the ICA
I was fortunate enough to get a free ticket to go see Trisha Brown Dance Company at the ICA last Friday night (thanks, Merli!) perform Works from 1978-2011. They danced Foray Forêt, Watermotor, Opal Loop and Les Yeux et l'âme . Major points for lifting the cyc at the top of the second act to let the audience drool over the view of Boston Harbor and the city skyline- the most beautiful nighttime backdrop! While I could summarize, and perhaps I will further down the digital page, but what is more present in my current thinking is the huge span of difference between movement and choreography.
Dance, dancing, choreography... So many individuals (perhaps that don't base their career in creating) view these as the same thing, but Friday night's show refreshed my opinion on the WORLD of difference between them. For example, I enjoy Trisha Brown's movement (as movement)... I enjoy dancing it too. It straddles this excellent ravine of full-out/total-body physicality and flail; precision in knowing where the physical edge in movement lies without crossing the invisible and millimeter-thin border to sloppy dancing. Her dancers are such impressive entities themselves, always making her highly active movement look effortless whether they are in the air, doing something demanding of strength, gliding into and out of the floor without so much of an extra gasp, etc. I can only imagine it would be amazingly easy to misplace ones arms, or have 1 percent too little energy, and the movement would look awful. I think anyone trying to make a career in dance performance would learn a great deal from Trisha Brown's dancers.
Moving on from my movement quality monologue, in the first and third pieces I became amazingly aware of how great movement doesn't always equal great choreography. The third piece (Opal Loop- 1980) felt a lot like it could have been tacked onto the end of the first piece (Foray Forêt- 1990) and it could have just been a continuation of the first, if the costumes had been the same. While I am sure this sounds fairly ignorant (I am well educated- and in dance- I swear!), I felt there was no real 'why' behind the pieces, and I had a difficult time staying focused on the work as an audience member. I don't need a storyline or a gimmick or a narrative to watch dance, but I at least appreciate seeing some kind of spark of motivation that a choreographer possessed when they were creating.
Foray Forêt opened the show, and featured several dancers in golden costumes (at times giving me a subtle impression of Egyptian garb, at other times space-like) showcasing their great Trisha technique while a marching band roamed the halls of the ICA. The movement was constant and ever shifting, it did not give my eyes or brain a break as it kept going, going, going. New dancers were introduced and subtracted, there were fleeting moments of partnering, costume pieces were added in the wings, and we never ever got to be introduced to the roving band. I could have come to peace with this piece (hahaha), if when the second act opened with Opal Loop I hadn't felt like the entire first half of the piece was identical in choreography to Foray Forêt-- same bodied, ever-shifting movement on a quartet of dancers (two males, two females) wearing four different costumes. If it was a continuation of the first piece, it would read exactly the same. After said-first half, however, there was a huge shift where the four dancers began duet work, either with a partner, or removed from their partner but maintaining the visual link of the duet. I appreciated the break in the constant stream of evolving movement, but as a choreographer I couldn't come up with validation for this huge shift and simplification. I was frustrated with myself, as I don't think there always needs to be an answer, but to watch these two major pieces with the same issue floating around in my head left me very unresolved. I saw the shifting and rotating patterns of travel on the stage, dancers making loops and intersections between each other, but I wanted a bit more of a connection or reason.
While I do think Trisha Brown is a huge and important figure in the history and dynamic of the dance world (and there were pieces I appreciated, more on this below), I feel like many choreographers, small and major alike, demonstrate the difference between dance and choreography. An individual might give the world's best and most satisfying technique class, but this doesn't mean they consistently produce brilliant work on stage. Another individual might create stunning choreography that appeals to diverse crowds, but might give an awful class. A movement style might feel wonderful on the body, but look quite inadequate in the stage space. I am sure my point is obvious without more examples! Where this led me and my thoughts on Friday night, especially coming off a recent showing of my work and approaching teaching my first open company class, is where I fit in on this scale. I am satisfied with the quality of my choreography of recent, but how will my class go? Also, do I really have my own technique, or will only years of work in this industry lead to such a refinement and classification of my movement style?
What was really beautiful in Brown's last piece of the night, Les Yeux et l'âme (2011), was the balance of movement, pauses, partnering, and music. I didn't realize this piece was a compilation of work she created while restaging Pygmalion recently, but it read as a cohesive work. With plentiful glimpses of the Trisha Brown movement we all know, there were slower portions where I could sit and enjoy what was happening across the stage and in the various couplings. Each dancer utilized their physicality, but presented it from a pleasant place. Each section or phrase seemed to easily roll into the next, and I was engaged and looking forward to where the piece might lead. Also, Brown worked with the music wonderfully. There wasn't a focus on matching up the movement and choreography (ala Mark Morris), but they seemed to co-habitate well, occasionally crossing paths but serving more to gently support each other from afar. As I haven't touched upon it... I also did enjoy Watermotor; an intense and brief solo danced by a man in pale clothing amidst a cool blue puddle of down light. I think I mostly appreciated it for its overlap with lighting, though I was impressed with the performer's consistency and endurance.
I feel sort of guilty and under-qualified for giving this show such a mediocre review, but I think the program itself didn't help. I understand Trisha Brown as a choreographer is a post-modern maven and I have seen other pieces she's created (in the more-abstract realm) that work for me and really speak for themselves. The feel of the show on Friday night was too much of the same, though, for pieces 1-3 before a shift in piece 4... I would be interested to see if a change in repertory presented would create a change in my attitude as a viewer.
Dance, dancing, choreography... So many individuals (perhaps that don't base their career in creating) view these as the same thing, but Friday night's show refreshed my opinion on the WORLD of difference between them. For example, I enjoy Trisha Brown's movement (as movement)... I enjoy dancing it too. It straddles this excellent ravine of full-out/total-body physicality and flail; precision in knowing where the physical edge in movement lies without crossing the invisible and millimeter-thin border to sloppy dancing. Her dancers are such impressive entities themselves, always making her highly active movement look effortless whether they are in the air, doing something demanding of strength, gliding into and out of the floor without so much of an extra gasp, etc. I can only imagine it would be amazingly easy to misplace ones arms, or have 1 percent too little energy, and the movement would look awful. I think anyone trying to make a career in dance performance would learn a great deal from Trisha Brown's dancers.
Moving on from my movement quality monologue, in the first and third pieces I became amazingly aware of how great movement doesn't always equal great choreography. The third piece (Opal Loop- 1980) felt a lot like it could have been tacked onto the end of the first piece (Foray Forêt- 1990) and it could have just been a continuation of the first, if the costumes had been the same. While I am sure this sounds fairly ignorant (I am well educated- and in dance- I swear!), I felt there was no real 'why' behind the pieces, and I had a difficult time staying focused on the work as an audience member. I don't need a storyline or a gimmick or a narrative to watch dance, but I at least appreciate seeing some kind of spark of motivation that a choreographer possessed when they were creating.
Foray Forêt opened the show, and featured several dancers in golden costumes (at times giving me a subtle impression of Egyptian garb, at other times space-like) showcasing their great Trisha technique while a marching band roamed the halls of the ICA. The movement was constant and ever shifting, it did not give my eyes or brain a break as it kept going, going, going. New dancers were introduced and subtracted, there were fleeting moments of partnering, costume pieces were added in the wings, and we never ever got to be introduced to the roving band. I could have come to peace with this piece (hahaha), if when the second act opened with Opal Loop I hadn't felt like the entire first half of the piece was identical in choreography to Foray Forêt-- same bodied, ever-shifting movement on a quartet of dancers (two males, two females) wearing four different costumes. If it was a continuation of the first piece, it would read exactly the same. After said-first half, however, there was a huge shift where the four dancers began duet work, either with a partner, or removed from their partner but maintaining the visual link of the duet. I appreciated the break in the constant stream of evolving movement, but as a choreographer I couldn't come up with validation for this huge shift and simplification. I was frustrated with myself, as I don't think there always needs to be an answer, but to watch these two major pieces with the same issue floating around in my head left me very unresolved. I saw the shifting and rotating patterns of travel on the stage, dancers making loops and intersections between each other, but I wanted a bit more of a connection or reason.
While I do think Trisha Brown is a huge and important figure in the history and dynamic of the dance world (and there were pieces I appreciated, more on this below), I feel like many choreographers, small and major alike, demonstrate the difference between dance and choreography. An individual might give the world's best and most satisfying technique class, but this doesn't mean they consistently produce brilliant work on stage. Another individual might create stunning choreography that appeals to diverse crowds, but might give an awful class. A movement style might feel wonderful on the body, but look quite inadequate in the stage space. I am sure my point is obvious without more examples! Where this led me and my thoughts on Friday night, especially coming off a recent showing of my work and approaching teaching my first open company class, is where I fit in on this scale. I am satisfied with the quality of my choreography of recent, but how will my class go? Also, do I really have my own technique, or will only years of work in this industry lead to such a refinement and classification of my movement style?
What was really beautiful in Brown's last piece of the night, Les Yeux et l'âme (2011), was the balance of movement, pauses, partnering, and music. I didn't realize this piece was a compilation of work she created while restaging Pygmalion recently, but it read as a cohesive work. With plentiful glimpses of the Trisha Brown movement we all know, there were slower portions where I could sit and enjoy what was happening across the stage and in the various couplings. Each dancer utilized their physicality, but presented it from a pleasant place. Each section or phrase seemed to easily roll into the next, and I was engaged and looking forward to where the piece might lead. Also, Brown worked with the music wonderfully. There wasn't a focus on matching up the movement and choreography (ala Mark Morris), but they seemed to co-habitate well, occasionally crossing paths but serving more to gently support each other from afar. As I haven't touched upon it... I also did enjoy Watermotor; an intense and brief solo danced by a man in pale clothing amidst a cool blue puddle of down light. I think I mostly appreciated it for its overlap with lighting, though I was impressed with the performer's consistency and endurance.
I feel sort of guilty and under-qualified for giving this show such a mediocre review, but I think the program itself didn't help. I understand Trisha Brown as a choreographer is a post-modern maven and I have seen other pieces she's created (in the more-abstract realm) that work for me and really speak for themselves. The feel of the show on Friday night was too much of the same, though, for pieces 1-3 before a shift in piece 4... I would be interested to see if a change in repertory presented would create a change in my attitude as a viewer.
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