3rd post in 3 days. gross. this one is free of grammar rules and regulations.

Just scrapped a lengthy and awkwardly metaphoric blog post about bonsai gardens... it was just too damn middle-school-emo to post.

---

really it comes down to figuring out what i want in life, figuring out how to get there, and figuring out whether or not it fits and meshes with my current lily pad (on a plant theme tonight, i guess), and if not whether it's worth it to float back down to earth and make it fit.

my current problem is that i have no grasp on what is 'normal', though i would like to be filled in, and if I am living it; but then again i have no desire to live normally.

how much does 'deserve' play into the averaged out balance of day to day life, and how do you gain these deserve points if it does?  is it even possible in 2012 to average out to deliriously happy every single day?  how do I get there... or do I have to be gandhi/buddha/jesus/ellen degeneres/will ferrell...  and maybe all of those people are in on a big secret, and maybe the secret is that life is just pretty mediocre for us all. not bad, just straight down the middle average.  lots of people say this is actually a good thing, so you can feel the highs and the lows, and it makes you appreciate each more, but what if your normal exists slightly below the national average... you're missing out!! how can one linger in that fluttery honeymoon stage with anything and everything and everyone they love for infinite amounts of time?

what do YOU want for your normal everyday life?  something fantastically wonderful every day?  do you deserve it, do you need to deserve it?  is it greedy/selfish/ridiculous to want magic every day?

this is partially ridiculous to write, because i am a pretty lucky girl with an often pretty great life.  i am fortunate, i am doing what i love, i know some wonderful people, i have some marvelous opportunities.  just wishing my life was more like my iPhone, and I could close down the apps working in the background (stress, random bullshit, bad feelings, problems) so I could capitalize on making my machine/life run at nearly perfect efficiency.

---


why are my nails so awful?

no illegal substances went into the making of this blog post.