So here I am... three days into my two week break between jobs.
Life is so strangely empty, but in an ok way. There are no crazy little kids running around causing chaos, no awful commuting through the city. It's just me, the dog and the house.
I am excited to have the time to actually get stuff done. There are doors to paint, trim to prime and paint, and my mountain range of clothes on the third floor to finally finally organize. I cleaned out 5 moving boxes yesterday! Finally! Also, Operation Shoe-Racki Freedom has been completed. So. Many. Shoes. So glad to have them all back though, I've been wearing the same pairs over and over again.
More importantly (before this blog gets super boring) our Luminarium Sponsor Benefit Gala is this Sunday!!!!
We are so excited to celebrate our one-year anniversary and get to reflect on the amazing strides we've taken in the past year. It's crazy to look back on, a blog post about that will I'm sure follow in the next couple of days.
If the weather holds out we are going to work with the amazing photographer Jordan Matter this afternoon. We are going to participate in Dancers Among Us, a national photo project showcasing the likes of Mark Morris dancers, ABT dancers, American Rep Ballet dancers, So You Think You Can Dance dancers... amazing beautiful professional dancers... and us!!! This excites me to no end. We have been such a legitimate entity as a dance company recently... I'm just very proud and also so tickled inside!
Anyways, yes. Fighting off boredom one paint job at a time.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Tear jerkerrrrr....
I just found myself totally in tears like a total sap over that performance that Memphis did on the Tonys.
(Back story, a group of underprivileged kiddos got the chance to attend a performance of memphis on broadway, and learned the closing number so they could pop up and sing and dance along and totally surprise the cast as they performed it onstage themselves! Tonight on the Tonys the cast performed the number, and all the kids came out to dance it at the end!)
The cute little overwhelmed and beyond ecstatic faces of the kids that came out to perform with the cast beyond reminded me of my own kids at JBGC, and just got me more upset about leaving them on Thursday. While I know I am making the right decision to make a change in my career, and move on to new things, I cannot help but be totally sad about the number of kids I have become close with.
At some point in that first week of work, back in 2009 after graduating MHC I found myself looking into a then-7 year old's round brown eyes while they asked me "you'll never leave us... right?". At that point I thought to myself 'ohhhh damn, this is going to be incredibly hard to leave if I need to in the future', but I could never have guessed how hard that would, in fact, be. In the past 2 years I have met hundreds of kids of all ages, have had them slowly come to trust me and to enjoy dance and theatre classes. I've had kids confide completely in me about their completely screwed up family lives/at home situations, I've had them laugh and cry and bounce back again in classes... I've really just had the chance to become so close to these innocent little kids that have had the shittiest luck in life/the short straw pulled for them, and now I am walking away.
When I told kids I was leaving early last week there were some freakouts, some tears, some tears that were gruffly wiped away and attested to allergies or something in the eye, and many many questions. One little girl that I've watched grow up a good deal and have some INTENSE ups and downs with got in my face and yelled "you're SUPPOSED to stay here until you DIE... because I love you and dance will suck without you here!"... I didn't have anything to say, I just looked at her and felt awful and knew I had to do what I was doing, but just felt so dead and cold inside that I couldn't give her a reason or reassurance or anything.
I try to validate this situation by reasoning that you really can't just stay somewhere because you love the kids, if there is more than just the kids to consider, and if there are other great opportunities waiting. I try to validate by viewing myself as a Mary Poppins of sorts, and crossing my fingers that there will be someone great waiting in the wings that can swoop in to my abandoned kiddos and win their hearts quickly so they will fall in love with their new teacher and forget all about me.
ARHIUWOFJNLS.
Ok, so then the Tony's have to go and play 'somewhere' from WSS, and that ALWAYS gets me emotional. Back in the day when Bob (childhood dance studio owner's husband and huge presence in the studio and in my life) passed away, we all went back to the studio after the funeral and danced and danced and danced for Bob... Anyways, we were doing West Side Story that year, and so every time I hear 'somewhere' it just makes me think about dancing to it after that funeral in my black dress clothes and tights with the other emotionally overwhelmed girls I danced with, and not being able to process a loss like that in any other means than dance. This was a beautiful moment, in retrospect, but we're already coming off the heels of the kid showcase meltdown... so I'm an easy sob victim.
I WILL GET PAST THIS. There are a million more kids in the world that don't have anything in the world, and someday maybe I can work with them and provide them a little glimmer of something special to hold onto. Someday, someday, someday.
For now, tissues!
(Back story, a group of underprivileged kiddos got the chance to attend a performance of memphis on broadway, and learned the closing number so they could pop up and sing and dance along and totally surprise the cast as they performed it onstage themselves! Tonight on the Tonys the cast performed the number, and all the kids came out to dance it at the end!)
The cute little overwhelmed and beyond ecstatic faces of the kids that came out to perform with the cast beyond reminded me of my own kids at JBGC, and just got me more upset about leaving them on Thursday. While I know I am making the right decision to make a change in my career, and move on to new things, I cannot help but be totally sad about the number of kids I have become close with.
At some point in that first week of work, back in 2009 after graduating MHC I found myself looking into a then-7 year old's round brown eyes while they asked me "you'll never leave us... right?". At that point I thought to myself 'ohhhh damn, this is going to be incredibly hard to leave if I need to in the future', but I could never have guessed how hard that would, in fact, be. In the past 2 years I have met hundreds of kids of all ages, have had them slowly come to trust me and to enjoy dance and theatre classes. I've had kids confide completely in me about their completely screwed up family lives/at home situations, I've had them laugh and cry and bounce back again in classes... I've really just had the chance to become so close to these innocent little kids that have had the shittiest luck in life/the short straw pulled for them, and now I am walking away.
When I told kids I was leaving early last week there were some freakouts, some tears, some tears that were gruffly wiped away and attested to allergies or something in the eye, and many many questions. One little girl that I've watched grow up a good deal and have some INTENSE ups and downs with got in my face and yelled "you're SUPPOSED to stay here until you DIE... because I love you and dance will suck without you here!"... I didn't have anything to say, I just looked at her and felt awful and knew I had to do what I was doing, but just felt so dead and cold inside that I couldn't give her a reason or reassurance or anything.
I try to validate this situation by reasoning that you really can't just stay somewhere because you love the kids, if there is more than just the kids to consider, and if there are other great opportunities waiting. I try to validate by viewing myself as a Mary Poppins of sorts, and crossing my fingers that there will be someone great waiting in the wings that can swoop in to my abandoned kiddos and win their hearts quickly so they will fall in love with their new teacher and forget all about me.
ARHIUWOFJNLS.
Ok, so then the Tony's have to go and play 'somewhere' from WSS, and that ALWAYS gets me emotional. Back in the day when Bob (childhood dance studio owner's husband and huge presence in the studio and in my life) passed away, we all went back to the studio after the funeral and danced and danced and danced for Bob... Anyways, we were doing West Side Story that year, and so every time I hear 'somewhere' it just makes me think about dancing to it after that funeral in my black dress clothes and tights with the other emotionally overwhelmed girls I danced with, and not being able to process a loss like that in any other means than dance. This was a beautiful moment, in retrospect, but we're already coming off the heels of the kid showcase meltdown... so I'm an easy sob victim.
I WILL GET PAST THIS. There are a million more kids in the world that don't have anything in the world, and someday maybe I can work with them and provide them a little glimmer of something special to hold onto. Someday, someday, someday.
For now, tissues!
Friday, April 29, 2011
But wait, there's more!
I meant to include a photo of my beautiful pooch.
I am a RIDICULOUS dog parent. There is just so much love in my heart for this crazy little canine. I couldn't have anticipated the feeling in a million years.
Playing catch up...
In an attempt to not go a full month since posting, here I go.
I've been visiting my grampa in the hospital every spare weekend day/holiday I have free. While I have found some solace in having time with someone to talk and listen and learn, I have come to the conclusion that aging sucks. There is not much that is graceful and happy and natural about dying; tubes, machines, incontinence, pain, fright and loneliness certainly aren't pleasant- how many people do we actually know that pass peacefully in their sleep? However... I am not going to write a long angsty post about this and dwell on it. It wastes time.
Easter.
Easter was wonderful- my more immediate family (my mom's side) and my grampa's immediate family that live on this continent made up a lovely trilingual crowd of 25. It was really refreshing to have English NOT be the main language spoken and to communicate with people by touches and smiles and gestures. The important stuff spoken was, of course, translated from Armenian into English and French and it was just so easy to enjoy. Lots of Armenian food and pastries, and a solid round of the egg game (of course I didn't win, but my grampa taught me his secret for next year)... Russell bravely tried the khema, and was applauded by the family. All in all it was a bittersweet day, the first and last (most likely) of such celebrated easters, but I am so glad to have the memories.
Luminarium.
So much Luminarium news. Our Kickstarter campaign was launched, endured, and a success- we raised $2100 in 18 days! Read more here. Consequently, we released our dance film 'Everything But Blue' at an event to conclude the campaign--Watch here! It was well attended, and a lot of fun. Since then it has been full-steam ahead in rehearsals working towards finishing our new piece for Commencement Concert at Mount Holyoke College, May 21, that we were invited to showcase work in. After that, we embark on our mini-tour across Massachusetts- with performances just about each week from mid-May through June. June 26 is the date of our first benefit gala- both a fundraiser and just general celebration for Luminarium's first anniversary! It will be held at AKA Bistro in Lincoln, MA and there will be lots of amazing hors d'oeuvres and live music and drinks and fun. Tickets will be available for purchase soon, details at www.LuminariumDance.org. I CANNOT believe all we have done in a year. Seriously. Day to day it feels so commonplace to push hard and create and accomplish, but when I look back on the year, its really stunning. After June we take our show to New Hampshire for fall, and then back to Cambridge for a show towards the end of the year. Stay tuned, we have plenty on our agenda.
Other?
Life is good. Lots of accomplishments artistic and otherwise, and some promising opportunities on the horizon. I've befriended a tiny mouse. I have a backyard of my own and I can enjoy warm nights such as this one. The dog is wonderful, my friends are wonderful, and I feel fairly grown up at 23.75 years. I guess the only semi-not great thing is Russell's current work situation. He is currently (and mandatorily) working 72 hour work weeks in Worcester on a large government project and will be doing so for at least the next 6 weeks, but possibly for another 9 weeks. It is lousy for him to come home at like 8pm, have dinner, and then go to bed to wake up at 4:30 or so. We have barely any time to hang out and I miss him! Paychecks with 32 hours of overtime certainly aren't lousy, however, and make me feel slightly sheepish about my odd mix of part time work. At least it has an end date, and then life can go back to normal- or what we consider normal.
Other other news... let's see. A little girl I coached on acting at work got three callbacks based on the audition material we worked on! It was a triumph and I was so proud. I successfully potted a plant (this shouldn't be such a triumph, but it is since I have been relying on Russell to do these types of things). I found an AWESOME new mascara that I love. It is sandal weather.
Really, I feel like I can end this with "it is sandal weather" because it is really my favorite thing ever. No need to elaborate or go on and on in this blog post... summer time!
Oh wait. Wanted to add that the live trees inside Westminster Abbey were fabulous. I didn't really watch the royal wedding or much coverage (just looked at pictures online of that beautiful dress) but noticed the trees on the segment on the news. Beautiful blooming trees make things better.
Ok the end, for real.
I've been visiting my grampa in the hospital every spare weekend day/holiday I have free. While I have found some solace in having time with someone to talk and listen and learn, I have come to the conclusion that aging sucks. There is not much that is graceful and happy and natural about dying; tubes, machines, incontinence, pain, fright and loneliness certainly aren't pleasant- how many people do we actually know that pass peacefully in their sleep? However... I am not going to write a long angsty post about this and dwell on it. It wastes time.
Easter.
Easter was wonderful- my more immediate family (my mom's side) and my grampa's immediate family that live on this continent made up a lovely trilingual crowd of 25. It was really refreshing to have English NOT be the main language spoken and to communicate with people by touches and smiles and gestures. The important stuff spoken was, of course, translated from Armenian into English and French and it was just so easy to enjoy. Lots of Armenian food and pastries, and a solid round of the egg game (of course I didn't win, but my grampa taught me his secret for next year)... Russell bravely tried the khema, and was applauded by the family. All in all it was a bittersweet day, the first and last (most likely) of such celebrated easters, but I am so glad to have the memories.
Luminarium.
So much Luminarium news. Our Kickstarter campaign was launched, endured, and a success- we raised $2100 in 18 days! Read more here. Consequently, we released our dance film 'Everything But Blue' at an event to conclude the campaign--Watch here! It was well attended, and a lot of fun. Since then it has been full-steam ahead in rehearsals working towards finishing our new piece for Commencement Concert at Mount Holyoke College, May 21, that we were invited to showcase work in. After that, we embark on our mini-tour across Massachusetts- with performances just about each week from mid-May through June. June 26 is the date of our first benefit gala- both a fundraiser and just general celebration for Luminarium's first anniversary! It will be held at AKA Bistro in Lincoln, MA and there will be lots of amazing hors d'oeuvres and live music and drinks and fun. Tickets will be available for purchase soon, details at www.LuminariumDance.org. I CANNOT believe all we have done in a year. Seriously. Day to day it feels so commonplace to push hard and create and accomplish, but when I look back on the year, its really stunning. After June we take our show to New Hampshire for fall, and then back to Cambridge for a show towards the end of the year. Stay tuned, we have plenty on our agenda.
Other?
Life is good. Lots of accomplishments artistic and otherwise, and some promising opportunities on the horizon. I've befriended a tiny mouse. I have a backyard of my own and I can enjoy warm nights such as this one. The dog is wonderful, my friends are wonderful, and I feel fairly grown up at 23.75 years. I guess the only semi-not great thing is Russell's current work situation. He is currently (and mandatorily) working 72 hour work weeks in Worcester on a large government project and will be doing so for at least the next 6 weeks, but possibly for another 9 weeks. It is lousy for him to come home at like 8pm, have dinner, and then go to bed to wake up at 4:30 or so. We have barely any time to hang out and I miss him! Paychecks with 32 hours of overtime certainly aren't lousy, however, and make me feel slightly sheepish about my odd mix of part time work. At least it has an end date, and then life can go back to normal- or what we consider normal.
Other other news... let's see. A little girl I coached on acting at work got three callbacks based on the audition material we worked on! It was a triumph and I was so proud. I successfully potted a plant (this shouldn't be such a triumph, but it is since I have been relying on Russell to do these types of things). I found an AWESOME new mascara that I love. It is sandal weather.
Really, I feel like I can end this with "it is sandal weather" because it is really my favorite thing ever. No need to elaborate or go on and on in this blog post... summer time!
Oh wait. Wanted to add that the live trees inside Westminster Abbey were fabulous. I didn't really watch the royal wedding or much coverage (just looked at pictures online of that beautiful dress) but noticed the trees on the segment on the news. Beautiful blooming trees make things better.
Ok the end, for real.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Extremes...
My life is funny right now.
There is so much going right, and then there are just a few tough things that are hard to handle.
Positive before negatives, yes?
There is so much going right, and then there are just a few tough things that are hard to handle.
Positive before negatives, yes?
- Steph got engaged. I think that is absolutely fantastic and I am so happy for her and Wes (and Charlotte).
- 'How to Succeed in Business...' is over, and ended up going well. I am so happy I got to choreograph with director Fran White again, and I really enjoy working at Babson College- there are some great people there. While it was a somewhat dance-sparse show, I had fun with the style of it all.
- Luminarium has a somewhat permanent rehearsal space on Thursday nights at Green St Studios in Cambridge, MA! You have no idea what a pain in the ass finding consistent rehearsal space is, this is amazing.
- Luminarium ALSO is in the midst of a Kickstarter Campaign, that looks like it is going to be super successful. In the first 36ish hours we have 13 backers and have brought in nearly $800! 16 days to go.... check out our project here: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ldc/performing-arts-project-bringing-art-to-underserve
- Luminarium is getting a blurb and photo in the alumna magazine!
- We are totally committed to having our first SPONSOR BENEFIT GALA! A lovely place in Lincoln is hosting this great event for us in June, and we are just embarking on details. I feel so legitimate as a dance company right now (if the last 3 bullet points didn't demonstrate that)
- Lawyer search 2011. No details about this yet to give, but, it's a total feel good in my life right now.
- Job opportunities. Another no info for you yet...
SO all of that feels so great and makes me excited and buzzing at all times.
Unfortunately, at the bottom of my gut, there is this nasty darkness. My grampa who is such a fixture in our family has been rediagnosed with cancer, which is already in his spine and hips and he is in a lot of pain and rapidly deteriorating. This is crazy to me, at Jenn's bday celebration in March you could kind of notice it- and whipped out this pill and was like 'ok this is my cancer pill!' Now I guess you can tell he is scared, and just going downhill fast. I am not technically going to see him until Easter, but how will he be then? I have no idea how he is doing, I just have second hand info from my mom, and it is so scary and sad. My grampa since I can remember has been the most comparable human being to yoda- at least a Middle Eastern version. He is always so stable with his philosophic statements about life, and can get away with poking very subtle jokes at anyone, while interspersing some fresh armenian word in there. It is just very tough to have to stand around and basically wait for someone to die, while they are in pain and scared about dying.
Blah.
How does one balance such high ups, and low downs...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
FAMOUS.
I forgot to post this some time ago...
South End Patch Article
While a formal dance company update will follow at some point, we had a very successful performance at Boston Center for the Arts (Movement at the Mills), and I wanted to share this article.
South End Patch Article
While a formal dance company update will follow at some point, we had a very successful performance at Boston Center for the Arts (Movement at the Mills), and I wanted to share this article.
woes of construction...
Ok, as a preface, I love being a homeowner. I have lots of space, there is a fenced in yard for the dog, I am getting everything just the way I like it, and I am just enjoying it!
HOWEVER...
I, Hate. Dust...
and it's everywhere!!! Knock down one tiny wall and BAM your house is covered in it. Put up another wall and BAM there it is again. Don't even mention when you have to joint compound the new wall, and then sand the joint compound (bam?).
This last weekend was the worst, I left for an 8 hour rehearsal for the musical @ babson college, and I got back to the gutted remains of the walls and ceiling around my staircase, and grey nasty plaster dust coating everything. Even the dog. Cut to 2 days after, and I am still sweeping. Russell and I have probably both put in 3 hours apiece on controlling this dust, and it keeps blowing around and resettling...it is very stressful, and I hate feeling it on my hands and in my hair.
End dust rant.
HOWEVER...
I, Hate. Dust...
and it's everywhere!!! Knock down one tiny wall and BAM your house is covered in it. Put up another wall and BAM there it is again. Don't even mention when you have to joint compound the new wall, and then sand the joint compound (bam?).
This last weekend was the worst, I left for an 8 hour rehearsal for the musical @ babson college, and I got back to the gutted remains of the walls and ceiling around my staircase, and grey nasty plaster dust coating everything. Even the dog. Cut to 2 days after, and I am still sweeping. Russell and I have probably both put in 3 hours apiece on controlling this dust, and it keeps blowing around and resettling...it is very stressful, and I hate feeling it on my hands and in my hair.
End dust rant.
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